I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
