Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
