what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
