So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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