Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
