I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
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Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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