I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My vagina just recognized that song.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
