i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
