Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
