oh god the rape fog is back!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
