I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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