Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
