there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
