Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
