Got a toothbrush?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
