We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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