I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
