apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
