the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She swung at the pinata with crutches
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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