dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
