Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
