just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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