i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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