sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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