Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The power of my boobs compel you
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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