I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize