dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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