I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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