party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
