Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize