just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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