dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
