It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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