R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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