FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
