I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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