Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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