but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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