Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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