I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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