in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
