i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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