i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
