You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
