When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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