I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
