you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
