i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
