I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize