He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
this boner is exhausting
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
