if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
