I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
