I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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