awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
