You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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