I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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