Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
