that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
