like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
