Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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