Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
