i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
