Porn is love you can see.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
