Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
