a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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