so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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