the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
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