Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
