so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
