I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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