guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
