dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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